


how not to watch a movie

by thelabours



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, HQ Brofest Rookie Tier, i tried to make it slightly believable...not sure if i succeeded, i watched an episode of Phineas and Ferb and now i'm influenced, questionable taste in movies, superhero/supervillain au, the briefest possible mentions of other characters, uncalled for hate on physics as a subject
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 22:31:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10796067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelabours/pseuds/thelabours
Summary: Hinata and Tendou had only wanted to watch the newest instalment of the Mr Hero vs Dr Villain series but the real villain, rain, showed up at exactly the wrong moment.





	how not to watch a movie

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea and i apologise in advance  
> i'm also pretty sure i read a v amazing hc somewhere that Hinata thought Tendou's hair was dyed red ,,,@ the person who wrote that post ,,,,ur my hero

“Is your hair naturally that red?” Hinata only slightly regrets blurting out his curiosity like a heathen. He is more concerned about the burning embarrassment on his cheeks. Tendou is looking at him in absolute delight. Which is never any good. Ever.

“From one redhead to another, Hinata-kun, let me tell you the formula you’re using for this sum is so incorrect that if the universe followed it, it’d implode,” he says, returning to his own physics textbook, gleaming eyes and all.

“But what does that have to do with having red hair?” Hinata asks.

“Nothing, just like that formula has nothing to do with this chapter. Here, let me just…” Tendou leans over to erase an entire page’s worth of calculations.

“ _Hey_! I was solving that!”

“No, you weren’t, you were messing it up.”

“Tendou-san?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you dye your hair red?”

“No, but I see red and die every time you use the wrong formula.”

“That’s not what I asked! Why won’t you tell me?!”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Hinata pouts. He really _really_ wants to know. He also really hates physics and he wants to watch the new action movie they’ve both been wanting to see, (it’s about a hero, Mr Hero, who saves the city from the greatest villain of all time, Dr Villain). Hinata has watched every single movie in the franchise and practically idolises Mr Hero. The only other person as invested as he is in the movies is Tendou. Except Tendou loves Dr Villain, which has lead to many hours and hours of debate.

Tendou has already parked himself on the sofa and calls out to Hinata as the theme plays on the TV. This might be a good time to mention their TV is very old and on the verge of imminent death. But rituals are sacred and both Hinata and Tendou honour them with great reverence.

“Hinata! It’s starting, come on already!”

“Coming!” Hinata looks at the watch on his wrist, which is actually a communicator in disguise (known at the Agency as The Communicator), and sighs in relief. No missions. This was good, he deserved a night off once in a while.

Hinata, for those of you who are unaware (which is how he wants to keep it), is a Superhero at The Agency, which trains kids to protect the city. For his part, he considers himself a decent Superhero. He’s found himself a good costume (a black suit and cape with orange accents and an orange crow emblazoned on his chest. He’s really proud of it), a good name (the Little Giant, after one of the older Superheroes who’d worked at The Agency and had disappeared a few years ago), and a good arch nemesis (the Guess Monster, who plagued the city with his evil inventions, ready for domination).

He really did think he deserved a day off.

That is, until, their movie night was brutally cut short by the greatest catastrophe of them all: rain.

The groans of dissatisfaction and frustration rang through the house punctuated by TV static. Dismal as it was, rain was rain, and you couldn’t do anything about it until it decided it wanted to stop.

“Hey, listen, I think I’m going to just…go,” Tendou says, pointing towards his room and running a hand through his hair.

“Sure, I’ll finish my homework, I guess.” Hinata doesn’t find Tendou’s disappearances odd at all, especially when he finds excuses for superhero duty all the time, too. Maybe Tendou-san wanted to poop. He did eat five packs of black liquorice an hour ago.

Just when he’s done solving the first sum on his physics worksheet (he hates kinematics) he hears a faint _beep beep_ from his communicator. He looks down to see **MISSION ACQUIRED** in red block letters and runs to the nearest secret hatch.

The house Tendou and Hinata lived in is full of secret tunnels and hatches that lead to the briefing room (among other places, but Hinata doesn't know where they lead). Tendou, thankfully, is unaware of them, and Hinata has had to pull several stunts to keep it that way. For instance, if the toaster is picked up off the kitchen counter, the door next to the cabinet opens up to reveal an elevator. Tendou had wanted to get their toaster fixed, and had picked it up to take it to the repair shop. Hinata had had to deliberately trip his friend up and send the toaster flying through the air…and back to its place on the counter. Somehow, the broken toaster had never been brought up again and Hinata had remained grateful.

Hinata is wondering about Mr Hero (who had just been trapped in Dr Villain’s volcano laboratory) and his physics homework (he’s sure Mr Hero never had to study Newton's laws of gravitation or the importance of the electromagnetic spectrum) when the tube that takes him from the sofa to the briefing room ends and he lands face first on a soft cushion, right in front of what can only be described as a glorified version of The Communicator.

Ukai, as always, is looking over his notes with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth on screen. He looks up when Hinata sits at the chair, ready for the rundown, and says, “thanks for coming in at such short notice, Little Giant.” Hinata’s heart swells at ‘Little Giant’. “The Guess Monster is at it again. I’ll leave it in your hands.” Hinata nods and yells ‘YES’ a little too enthusiastically and the screen fades to black. As he suits up, he wonders what the Guess Monster is up to today. He hopes it doesn’t take too long because once the rain stops, he really wants to get back to watching Mr Hero vs Dr Villain, Guess Monster be damned.

Hinata sends a text to Tendou, saying he’s stepped out to the library to get some notes. He receives a text back telling him that Tendou has also stepped out. A second message tells him to take care in the rain and bring back some chips from the store.

 _Huh, weird, I didn’t hear him go out. Maybe he went out to buy red hair dye._ He sniggers to himself at that.

Hinata finishes buttoning up his cape and hurls himself into another tube that will _whoosh_ him to the Guess Monster’s lair: _the Paradise._

Now, the Paradise was just a fancy name for a tower near Hinata and Tendou’s house that sort of looks like a cross between a lighthouse and giant swan. Apparently, it had come cheap: the harbour was close by and the ships (and seabirds) honked at odd hours. Takeda-san, the Guess Monster's mentor, had neglected to mention that to him when he'd passed it on as some sort of 'achievement unlocked' medal. Except this medal was twelve stories high and looked ridiculous.

The Guess Monster, better known to the general public as Tendou Satori, sits at the very top, screwing in the last bit of his newest invention: The Evaporinator 5000.

Today’s forecast mentioned something about a cloudy cover, but rain? Moniwa over at the weather reports building was going to receive a taste of the Guess Monster’s Bunnyinator 5000 soon. The only problem was, the Bunnyinator 5000 worked only for about five minutes. A waste of carrot flavoured candy, really. Tendou can’t figure out where the timer dial is, and he doesn’t care to waste time and figure it out. He has better things to do. Like blast the rain away and watch Mr Hero vs Dr Villain with Hinata.

He hopes Hinata comes back home soon because he’s almost nearly maybe 300% sure the Evaporinator 5000 will work its magic (or science) and then he’d be able to watch Mr Hero vs Dr Villain in peace and crow over his short friend when Dr Villain wins (they’d been in the middle of an intense scene in which Dr Villain had that dumb hero trapped when the rain _ruined_ their evening).

He’s wondering if he should buy a couple of bags of chips for later himself (because the last time he’d told Hinata to buy something, they’d had to eat rice noodles with ketchup instead of pizza) when the door is flung open to reveal a figure of short stature with orange hair. The Little Giant. How annoying, and right when Tendou was about to test out the Evaporinator 5000, too. He’s going to have to deal with this little brat first, and get rid of the rain later. He hopes it doesn’t take too long because once the rain is gone, he’s going to plant himself in front of the TV to watch Mr Hero vs Dr Villain, Little Giant be damned.

He pulls on his mask and turns around to face our little hero.

“Stop right there, Guess Monster, I’ve come to foil your nefarious plans!” Hinata yells, as usual.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Little Giant. How nice of you to stop by. Have you done your homework?” Tendou says, smiling behind his mask, knowing full well the Little Giant was terrible at finishing homework. It almost reminded him of Hinata sometimes.

“U-Uh, well, no, I didn’t! Physics is hard!” Hinata stutters, not wanting to appear weak in front of his nemesis, “I can jump, though!”

Tendou laughs. “I know that, little hero. But how will jumping help when you’ve failed your class?”

Hinata doesn’t have an answer. The Guess Monster always asks him rhetorical questions like this one, and it oddly reminds him of Tendou. So instead, he asks, “what’s your villainous plan today?”

“This.” Tendou holds up the Evaporinator 5000 with pride and some grunting. Why did he use all steel and not lightweight aluminium again? Oh right, he wanted it to look cool. He drops it almost immediately and pulls out a remote control with a big red button on it from somewhere in his pants. His pants don’t have pockets. He slams the button and a cage falls from high up and lands, trapping Hinata.

“Hey! Let me out! I have to stop you!”

“Good luck with that! I’m going to blow all the rain away, ha ha ha!” Tendou always changes his laugh every few weeks, deciding he is now ‘bored’ and supervillains are not boring. Take Dr Villain for instance. Last time his laugh was ‘he he he’. Hinata is always really awed.

I want the rain to go away, too but I can’t let a supervillain do it! That’s just wrong! What if it doesn’t rain ever again? Hinata sees half a broken brick just outside the bars of the cage. He squeezes his hand through and grabs it. He decides to engage in conversation to distract the Guess Monster.

“What’s your death ray called?”

“It’s not a death ray! I haven’t figured out how to build one! You always ask that! Anyway, it’s called the Evaporinator 5000.”

“Why’s it 5000?”

“Because it sounds cool, obviously.”

Hinata truly cannot find fault with that logic. He also thinks it’s really cool.

Sticking his tongue out he tries to think of all the things Tendou had told him about projectile motion and proceeds to throw the brick with all his might. The brick arcs through the air and lands on the big red button (which is helpfully labelled ‘ **TRAP** ’). The cage immediately flies back where it came from, in true cartoon fashion.

Tendou is on the balcony when he turns around to face Hinata, who has, to his surprise, escaped. He really should’ve expected that. It happens _every **single time**_. Was there something wrong with his traps? He’s going to have to place a call to Seijou’s Trap Emporium. He really hopes he catches the grumpy one because he’d have to talk to Oikawa Tooru otherwise. Now there’s a _scary_ thought. 

“In the name of law, drop the weapon!” Hinata yells, as per usual.

“I’m not holding anything,” Tendou replies grumpily, as per usual. All his inventions are really, really heavy. He needs to start using lightweight carbon and aluminium for his projects soon or else he'll have to kiss his arms goodbye.

“You know what I mean!”

Naturally, Hinata tries to pick up the Evaporinator 5000 to try and dismantle it. Naturally, Tendou tries to stop him. A tussle takes place, and, somehow, the Evaporinator 5000 is flung off the balcony.

Neither party moves.

After five seconds, a sickening _scrunch_ is heard.

Both Tendou and Hinata peer down, trying to see if they could spot the Evaporinator 5000’s remains. Thankfully, the Paradise is fenced, and no one is dumb enough to trespass here (mostly because Tendou can’t be arsed to hire a gardener or anything so the garden looks more like a small sub amazonian jungle and less like a respectable city garden). 

Neither speak for a moment but realise at the same moment that _the rain has stopped, I must get home, the movie’s going to end ohmygod._

_“MY MOVIE!!”_

They look at each other in panic and run in different directions; Hinata, back the way he came, and Tendou, to the toilet (not to the pot, obviously, the bathtub was actually a slippy slide ride back to his own home’s bathtub). 

Approximately ten minutes later, Hinata and Tendou flop down on the sofa next to one another, only to discover that their primitive TV had…died. For a few minutes, they try to digest their disappointment in silence, slumped over one another, practically in tears. 

“Tendou-san, how was your walk?” Hinata asks in a wobbly voice, trying to dissipate the misery in the air. 

“It was OK, I guess. Did you get any useful notes at the library?” Tendou goes along with this endeavour. 

“Not really. I didn’t understand the bit about standing waves. Could you explain it?” 

“Only if you say Dr Villain is the best.” 

Hinata gasps. _That would be blasphemy. How could Tendou-san expect him to…?_

They sit at the table and Tendou is watching Hinata finish his calculations. It’s the wrong formula. Tendou is pretty sure it’s not a formula he’s ever seen before. He wants the lord to give him patience. 

“Hey, Tendou-san?” 

_Finally. I can tell him it’s the wrong formula and we can move on._

“Yeah?” 

“Is your hair naturally that red or do you dye it?” 

“ _Hinata!_ " 

**Author's Note:**

> cosmic amounts of gratitude to u if u stuck through  
> i don't know why don't ask  
> please let me know how much u liked (or hated) this ((^:  
> also im @iceandbrimstone over on tumblr if u wanna *finger guns* yell with me ((^:


End file.
